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It was a beautiful morning in the mountains.
A thunderstorm the evening before had cooled things off, and there was a pleasant breeze blowing. The sun was peaking over the ridges, letting us know that the heat wasn’t that far away, and outdoor activities were best for the morning.
So my wife and I decided to try out one of the local breakfast spots that offered outdoor dining. It was perfect. There were families with cute babies there, even a few with cute dogs. Everyone was happy. And the menu was enticing.
All was well.
Or so I thought.
I opted for the French toast with an order of sausage on the side. I’ve always ordered sausage when getting pancakes or waffles or French toast; I like dredging the meat in the sweet syrup.
“I’m sorry, all we have is ‘soysage’ this morning,” the waitress said.
I think she expected my look of surprise, quickly explaining that “soysage” is the vegetarian take on sausage. Seeing my concerned face, she didn’t push it too much, but did say that other customers like it.
The pleasantness of the morning had made me giddy, and maybe put me into a world of fantasy.
I ordered the soysage.
Even with syrup piled on, it was awful. How could they compare this to sausage?
It was fried crisp, and you guessed it, there was no fat inside. Other than soy, I’m not sure what was inside. All I know was that it tasted nothing like the sausage this southern country boy was accustomed to eating.
I trogged on, and by the third or fourth forced bite, I decided the soysage wasn’t that bad. It would have made an acceptable substitute for a side dish such as fried squash. However, there was no way to compare this to sausage other than it was a fried round patty.
I may have been influenced by the cooking shows I watch on television, which feature some enticing vegetarian/vegan options. Many of those include vegetable-based meat substitutes. If you don’t want to eat meat, why is it necessary to have a part of a veggie dish designed to resemble real meat? I’ll never understand that.
I love vegetables. I love meat. I love fruit. I love dairy. Heck, I’ll eat almost anything and enjoy it.
But I don’t want my meat made from vegetables. And I don’t want my vegetables made from meat.
I admire the people who choose to eat this way, saying no to meat products. I admire anyone who stays on any healthy diet, no matter what it is. Feeling good about what we eat can make us feel better about ourselves.
But I draw the line at soysage.
It doesn’t make me feel better about myself at all.
– Mike Barnhardt